Could'a, Should'a, Would'a...

I didn't want to be too push...I didn't want to crowd her too...I didn't want to go too fa...I didn' want her to get ang...I didn't...

Damn.

I know, i know. If i was waiting for the opportune moment, that was it.

Ugh. Well, there goes the neighborhood.

It was a blast though. Here's to Luis, the biggest pimp i know. And to Liana and myself who reminded every guy and girl what it means to dance Latino style. And to Kylie. My back really hurts...lol...and to Jared who gave Luis a run for his money for bein' a pimp...And Fruits because...well...he's just himself.

Those are just to name the few i can remember...It was SO much fun. Here's to a damn good time.

I know, i know...I tried to change the subject.
Didn't work too well, eh?

Look, i've done all i can short of being a nuisance which, knowing myself, i've probably already succeeded in doing. We'll just see where things go from here, k? It'll be one heck of a ride, and probably a long one at that, but hey, things don't always come on a silver platter. One heck of a ride, indeed.

Wait...who's drivin'?

With enough horrible cliches to make you nauseous,

Nick

*Sigh*...

Well, folks, here we are. What a lovely place to be, eh? Metaphorical sarcasm, if you would.

Nothing too incredibly interesting goin on...homecoming this saturday...That should be an absolute blast. Hopefull the gents will get to have an overnighter on Friday...loosen up a little before we party it up. Lol.

Well, other than that, i got nothin for ya' folks. I hate to be boring and dismal, but life just keeps rollin' on. It's fun to see what each day throws at ya', but when it starts to throw the same things over and over again, you get tired of the monotony of it all real quick.

Well, today's a good day and it looks to be rather nice, i think. We'll see what happens, eh?

Borin' you to death ;),


Nick

Rise and Shine...

I woke up to the wonderful surprise of my window still being open. My father nearly always closes it, which I hate, so it was rather pleasant to feel the cold autumn breeze brushing against my face. I had one of the most interesting dreams yesterday.

I talked to a horse. Not just any horse, a horse who talked back. Yeah, somethin' tells me my mother put something in the barbecue chicken last night. When we were walking to the stable, presumably this horse's stable, I, for some odd reason, was counting the steps. The horse started counting too, but said all of the numbers wrong. This horse wanted to know everything about everything. It was weird. Especially machines. It didn't get the concept of cars and the like. And it was eating these big ass acorns. There was this tree that had really big acorns on it and it would pick one up with its teeth, put it down and step on it and then eat it. And Taylor and Zack Bare and Carl and Fruits were in it. Fruits was trying to shove all of these little tiny VW Bugs into one garage along with this model of a P-38 Lightening, my dad's favorite WW2 fighter plane, which he promptly dropped and tried to carry the rather large thing all by himself, refusing to let anyone take the burden.

Yeah. I'm pretty much a psycho. Just thought I'd share that little tidbit with you all. Not like you didn't know anyway.

Well, no day but today, eh? Promise me something. Yeah, all of you. If you read this before you go to school, which I expect only Kel-c will get around to that, promise me that you will try and make today one of the most wonderful days to date. I can promise you that I'm going to. Just, live a little. Take chances. Laugh a little harder and love a little longer. And jump. Take that leap of faith. See what happens.

But don't go without a bunji cord, eh?

;)

With the shape of an L on his forehead,



Nick

The Courage To Speak

Egh...

The one thing that i seem to have no trouble doing, doing too much of now that i think about it, i can't seemt to bring myself to start. I'm such a pansy.

I'd rant to y'all, but you've heard it all before and wouldn't believe me anyway, no matter how hard i tried. No worries, to be expected of course. No hard feelin's. It's just how life rolls, sometimes. One must overcome their own flaws and mistakes in order to climb to new heightts. Not to perpetuate the metaphor or anything, but it's this last step here that's killin' me. Just talking.

See, ladies, us gentlemen here, some of us ain't too good at talking about, dare i say it, feelings. XD Cracks me up just thinking about it.

Well, the only solution seems to work up some momentum and hit the ground running. And probably end up rolling down the hill, but at least it's worth the trip, eh? No pun intended.

same lame guy

same lame channel,


Nick

P.S.

I just played through my two favorite piano pieces of all time. Did better than usual, but i didn't feel it. At all. I hate that. I hate to miss the beauty and the love of things and the good times i could have, might have...might have. I would hate to miss that, but, even more so, i would hate to waste her time.

Egh...my sister's got a headache...she's gettin' sick...damn.

A Pleasant Kind of Torture

I know, i know. Cliche titles are starting to get to me, too. I can't help it. I'm a cornball. It's hereditary, believe me. My father takes the term corny to an entirely new level never before experienced by mankind.

Alright, now to the pleasant torture. Well, my sister is going to the dance, courtesy of a rather zealous Mr. Hafenrichter, whom i did not expect to do that, but was pleasantly surprised. She'll have a good time. That much is assured. So, i went in to talk to my sister right before we were hittin' the hay and she says, "Wanna see my dress?" 'Course i do! So she turns on her light, which was off for some reason and opens up her closet. I almost died laughing at the irony. It is the same exact color and style as hers was. I just about died. It was hysterical. It is hysterical.

I love it how the Big Man Upstairs has a funny way of letting you know he's screwin' with you. What a punk.

:)

Well, let's see how gutsy we're feelin' today, eh Hil? This may get interesting. Yup. I do believe it will.

Plain and simply,

Nick

...My arms won't free you,
and my heart won't try...

When the Sand Runs Out...

Since when did i listen to country, let alone Rascal Flatts? Who knows, but i like it. 'Tis a good song, too. Listen to it sometime. It's about livin' life to the fullest. Novel concept, eh? :) Oh, Okalahoma-Texas Line is good, too. Makes me laugh.

Well, thank you to the anonymous person who posted that thing from my sis's myspace. Wow. She's twice the person i could ever be. Stronger, faster and she's got wisdom to boot. Beats my sorry little ass, that's for sure. It's a rather pleasant feeling, too. We've talked about it of and on, her being my sister and all, and she's very determined to make her own name. :) Runs in the blood, eh? She'll do a fine job, too. She plays a mean game of basketball, she can act, she can dance, she can sing, and probably fly, if she really wanted to. It wouldn't surprise me. Not in the slightest.

Well, here's to undaunted and untameable spirit. It's the most beautiful thing i've seen.

I'm just sorry that the guy that loves her doesn't understand her for her. What's worse is he's one of my best friends. sigh. Oh, J-Mac, that's going to be an interesting conversation.

Here's to the truth, may it never die.

And here's to dancing be it in the rain or homecoming or next to a warm fire without music...that maybe i can try it one more time...cause i've changed.

Stay tuned,

Nick Pankuch

...Maybe, maybe,
you wouldn't say goodbye...

P.S. I Melt, listen to that one too.

Dancing in the Rain...

I can easily say that that was the highlight of my year, to date. There are no words to describe the flood of emotions, pardon the pun, that i had. Have. Yes, have. Have indeed. I wish they never leave.

None the less, Mrs. Clark, it really doesn't change the fact that i have yet to be proven wrong in the matter, though i look forward to the possibility in earnest yet it remains but a possibility still.

However, that doesn't change how wonderful it was...

Here's something i wrote today. It came to me instantaneously. It was kind of strange. Maybe it's not done, maybe it is. We'll see.

If You Could See Me Now

If you could see me now,
I'd tell you everything i never said,
I'd show you worlds we'd never seen before.
I'd take you to an empty sky and
fill it with stars.

If you could see me now,
I'd tell you what you mean to me,
And how you are my everything.

But you can't see me now.
And seeing you there in his arms
I shed tears of joy and sadness,
And yet i seem to die without you.

If you could see me now,
I'd take you far beyond our dreams,
But what does all this dreaming mean?

Singing to an empty sky and wishing i could hold you once again!

If you could see me now,
Maybe, Maybe.
If you could see me now,
Maybe you wouldn't say,
Goodbye.

Yeah, i'm a cheezeball. Sue me, sue me, what can you do me? Ten points to the ppl who get that reference. Ten more points if you get the irony.

On a much less brighter note, no pun intended there either, i found out something quite, i don't think i have a word for it. Devastating? I don't think it comes close. Turns out my sister really like this guy, which comes as a wonderfuly surprise, right? Yes, yes it does. You thought that's where the dramatic plot twist was. Anywho, this is where our tale gets serious. I had known this for a little while when 'til we went to the football game where my sister was rather upset, even though we were winning and it was a good close game which us Pankuch's always enjoy. I confronted her about it to whcih she responded, as per the norm, "I don't wanna' talk about it." To which i kindly replied, "Nice try. Spill it." Well, i know why she didn't want to talk about it now. This guy, whom she, apparently, really, really, really, likes, which doesn't happen very often for my sis understand, won't date her. Why? Because

She's Nick Pankuch's little sister.

Now, i don't care how much of an ass the guy is or whatever, The fact that my sister likes him, and he possibly likes her but won't give her a chance because she's related to me is devastating. The person that i've created, as crazy and weird and ridiculously fun as he is, hopefully, has hindered her. My sister. How are you supposed to respond to that? I almost feel like i should pack up and move out. I couldn't do that to her. I'm responsible for cause her trouble and like that, especially? I just, i just can't take that. i don't know what to do. How are you supposed to tell your sister that you would stop being who you are if you could, just to let her smile, even if it was for that short of a time...but you can't. It hurts her too. A lot. I see it. Every day, i do. I just don't know.

Well, that's all folks. I'm no Peter Barsch, Sean Connery or Micahel Buble.
Just good old, good for nothin'..;)... son of a gun

Nick Pankuch

Use your mentality, wake up to reality,
But each time i do just the thought of you makes me stop just before i begin...

I'm feeling gutsy, Hil. A little more than usual.

;)

No Day But Today...

Idk, folks. Today just doesn't feel right. I'm not quite sure what it is, but somethin' ain't kosher here.

Well, there's a game tonight. That, at least, should be a whole lot of fun. They always are. Hangin w/ the marhcing band is always good and Luis should be there, which is just gonna be hilarious.

Well, the Pankuch family as we know it is havin' to bite the bullet. Theatre Fest is all the money my mom had left....all of it. Aside money for food. Wow. That hit me like a ton of bricks. It's just gonna be rough....nothin' like Ramen noodles, eh? That's some good eatin'. :) I just hope i can find a way to procure enough money to go to homecoming. Egh. The aforementioned situation being, there seems to be a distinct possibility to the contrary. Damn. Well, we'll figure this out one way or another, eh? We always do.

Well, whatever happens, this is gonna be interesting. No day but today...

I'll stick to my guns 'till the bitter end, folks. 'Till they shoot me down in flames and glory, but, until then, I'll do everything i can. Everything.

To the Siege of Fort Sumpter, eh Reverend Reifsteck? Indeed. I pray this hope lasts through the night.

No matter what...

Same bad time, same bad channel,

Nick

No Matter What...

No matter what, i'll be here all the same. In whatever respect you care to have me in, I'll be here. Through thick and thin or till the Earth explodes; I'll be here. No matter what. Things are different, now, you see? I'm different. I've changed, for the better. Not that i'm Jesus, or anything, apparently that's Carl's job....or Kylie's....i'm a tad confused aobut that actually....but anyway...I've seen the things that i've done tear friends, family's and loved one's a part and those things aren't a part of me anymore. Plain and simple.

But, more importantly, I'll be there for you. No matter what happens, I'll be there for you.

It's my job, remember?

;)

No lies, no alias

Nick

Like Rollercoasters? Well, you're gonna!

First off, I will have no comments of a negative connotation unless they are for the sole purpose of comic relief. Anything judged not funny, or not funny enough, will be immediately deleted, as were the comments on the last post. There's your disclaimer, now on to rollercoaster.

Don't you just love 'em? With there up and downs and twists and turns and a really good drop and barrel roll. Ah, Six Flags, and Disney World, i.e. Space Mountain and the Rockin' Roller Coaster, and, more importantly, ah Life.

I don't have to ramble about how life is one humongoginormous roller coaster that we all have to get off of someday, so I'm not gonna'. I'll I'm going to say is.

For your maximum enjoyment, please stick hands and feet outside of the ride at all times.

Bad joke, I should delete that...

Well, you all know I'm one for posting lyrics...so here it goes. A lovely little taste of Sean Pankuch, my hermano.

Fairy Tale
by Sean Pankuch

Once upon a time there was a girl and a boy,
She thought he was, well, just fine and she was his source of joy,
He prayed everyday that she would see,
Exactly how he felt, just what he needs

Come to my sandbox bring your shovel and your pail,
You are my pretty princess, you are my fairy tale,
Come to my sandbox bring your shovel and your pail,
I am your prince charming, I am your fairy tale

She looked at him and smiled and said 'I'll try to catch up to you,
Just keep your head up, and don't be blue',
Then that day came and her smile came too,
She said 'I might not be caught up, but I know that I love you',

Come to my sandbox bring your shovel and your pail,
You are my pretty princess, you are my fairy tale,
Come to my sandbox bring your shovel and your pail,
I am your prince charming, I am your fairy tale

Once upon a time there was a girl and a boy,
we'll let them create the end, let's hang on
to their joy!

Come to my sandbox bring your shovel and your pail,
You are my pretty princess, you are my fairy tale,
You are my fairy tale,
This is our fairy tale.

He wrote it about him and his fiance a while back. I like it. :) It's something we all are looking for.

Here's to the day we find it...or found it. ;)

Cap'n Vincent of The Tomorrow
"The Ace of Spades'

Now Hold the Boat!

Alright, ladies and gents. Listen and listen good.

I don't know what on God's green Earth is goin on, but it stops. I don't care what i did, what i didn't do, what she said, what he said...we're human beings, for Pete's sake. Let's be mature. if you have something to say to or about someone, say it to their face. Trust me, it has a better effect that way.

We all just need to take a step back...

And go bowling.

Let's just calm down and take this one step at a time. We all make mistakes. That's how the world progresses. Because we all get second chances. That's how we move forward.

It'll all turn out fine in the end, you'll see. God has a funny way of making things work.

Live, laugh and love, friends.

Cap'n Vincent of The Tomorrow
"The Ace of Spades"

You know what?

I watched the sunrise about an hour ago and my room and the sky and the world glowed like i have never seen before.

It was one of the most beautiful things i have ever known.

Huh. I just had a pleasant thought.

Even the rising of the sun starts with only a sliver of light.

Have a good one today, folks.

Cap'n Vincent of the Tomorrow
"The Ace of Spades"

Try A Little Tenderness

God Bless Michael Buble, Nicole Kidman and Ewan McGregor. There's nothing like typing three AP US history essays while listening to some of the most romantic music God put on this green earth. Ah, God bless Marc Broussard too.

Well, folks, here we are. Just me and my little sliver of hope. You never know, though. That little sliver could go a long way.

Here's a song for you.

I've Got You Under My Skin
by Michael Buble

I've got you under my skin
I've got you deep in the heart of me
So deep in my heart, that you're really a part of me
I've got you under my skin

I've tried so not to give in
You know I've said to myself this affair ain't gonna go so well
So why should I try to resist, when baby will I know so well
That I've got you way under my skin

I'd sacrifice anything come what might
For the sake of having you near
In spite of a warning voice that comes in the night
And repeats in my ear

Don't you know fool, you never can win
Use your mentality, step up to reality
But each time I do, just the thought of you
Makes me stop before I begin'
Cause I've got you under my skin

:) That song makes me smile.

i took more pictures, Em. They're so wonderfully gorgeous. And it was fun to look for them too. i still have 23 more, too. :)

Well, I'm still not done with those essays...
:)


...Just the thought of you makes me stop before i begin....

;)

P.S. Have fun at Illinois Band day all you Band Geeks!

A shot in the dark

Well, friends, it looks like that's what i got. It's like trying to hit a tiny little target in the dark and then somebody blindfolding you for extra giggles. Then you got this little itty bity target to shoot at. As if the odds aren't stacked enough in your favor, you're standing next to the crowd favorite...and it ain't easy to go against the flow.

Lemme' just say that, no matter how this whole shabang turns out, i think it's been worth the leap. It's been worth the leap of faith even if it turns out it was just to fall. I think, in this single edeavor, i have learned more about determination, persistance, willpower, faith, and being true to your self than i've ever known before. I'tll be worth it, no matter what, even with all the things I lost along the way, the chance to gain that one thing, the one person who really mattered, that, well, that just makes it all worth it. It's funny, one goes from no knowledge of any future at all to a sliver of a hope....just a sliver, and the whole journey seems to be worth it in the end.

I hope i can stay true to that, even throught the trials and tribulations. But, most of all, i hope that maybe, just maybe

I can hit that little target in the dark. Maybe, just maybe...well, even if i can't.

Doesn't mean i ain't gonna' give it one helluva' try.

Cap'n Vincent of The Tomorrow
"The Ace of Spades"

Learned

Sometimes it is through our failures that we will succeed in those failures.

I only hope this holds true. It's one long game of poker, Mr. Schwartz...one long game.

There's and awfl lot of wood, cavya. Uma'd have her work cut out for her.

And to you Tori, my regards for sticking to your guns even if it means the worst for me. You stuck to your truths and there is much honor to be had in that.

And to you Mr. Pankuch, i leave nothing that has not already been given to you.

Cap'n Vincent of The Tomorrow
"The Ace of Spades"

Well, you see folks, maybe i was wrong. Maybe it was worth the leap, the real question should be whether it's worth a fall. One must constantly remind themself of the possibility of failure. of the thought that slight chances are nothing but. That optimism only goes so far before realism kicks. One should trust me. I know.

Humility truly defines who we are, ladies and gentlemen of the jury. It dictates our course of action and, ultimately, our way of life. It is these times, when we are the most naive and, seemingly, the very wisest that one must find the strength to be humble. For it truly takes strength.

You know, Kylie, maybe it is shattered into a thousand pieces, but i rather like it that way. If not on fire with passion, then let it learn to be humble. Maybe somewhere i'll find strength.

Hope. Whisper it a little closer for the word eludes my ears, now and i know not where it has gone.

If

Read, this. You'll like it. It really makes you think.

If

By Anonymous

If i knew it would be the last time that i'd see youu fall asleep,

i would tuck you in tighter and pray the Lord your soul to keep.

If i knew it would be the last time that i see you walk out the door,

i would give you a hug and a kiss and call you back for one more.

If i knew it would be the last time i heard your voice lifted up in praise,

i would videotape each action and word, so i could play it back day after day.

If i knew it would be the last time,

i would spare an extra minute or two to stop and say "I love you."

istead of assuming you know i do.

If i knew it would be the last time i would be there to share your day,

Well i'm sure you'll have so many more, so i can just let this one slip away.

For surely there's always tomorrow to make up for an oversight,

and we always get a second chance to make everything right.

There will always be another day to say your "I love you's"

and certainly there's another chance to say our "Anything i can do's?"

But just in case i might be wrong, and today is all i get,

I'd like to say how much i love you, and hope we never forget.

Tomorrow is not promised to anyone, young or old alike,

And today may be the last chance you get to hold your loved one tight.

So if you're waiting for tomoroow, why not do it today?

for if tomorrow never comes, you'll surely regret the day that you didn't take that

extra time for a smile, a hugh, or a kiss, and you were too busy to grant someone,

what turned out to be their one last wish.

So always hold them dear.

Take the time to say, "I'm sorry, please forgive me, thank you, or it's okay."

And if tomorrow never comes, you'' have no regrets about today.

Ain't that the truth.

Cap'n Vincent of the rechristened Tomorrow

"The Ace of Spades"

God Almighty Do I Love It When I'm Wrong

Yes siree! Prove me wrong from now till kingdom come and i won't give a rat's ass! You heard me right! I'd pretend i was a pessimist just so i could be wrong when things went right...

Confusing, i know. And no, i'm not on crack. Too expensive. To quote the great Robyn Williams...

"Crack is God's way of telling you you have too much money."

Anyway...That's all you gotta know right now. Oh, and The Diviners is going to be so spectacular i can hardly contain myself! This is my favorite role to date hands down and no competition. Ferris has so many levels and motivations...he's a world unto himself.

Ah! So much fun! And to be a dad like Ferris. An old family man! To know and love people and to have seen countless years of the world...wow. A daunting yet intriguing task.

What a wonderful day. I got a good whiff of the lovliest fresh air today. YOu know what it reminded me of?

Guess.

Cap'n Vincent of The Regret
"The Ace of Spades"

What Did You Expect?

Quite frankly, i don't know what the Hell I expected.

My impression?

Flattered, but no thanks.

I don't know what I thought was gonna' happen. Miracles are for people hwo need them; i consider myself a little further down on that list. Not to mention i had to go and be a regular brand good old asshole today. Great job Nick. Now you've screwed stuff up with a bunch of people. Now that's a talent i bet you wish you never had.

Now i'm just stuck. That's a pain in the ass. And the head. And the stomach.

You know bro, now i don't know which is worse; Regretting that i would never have done it, or regretting that i never should have. I just can't seem to put my finger on either one.

And now, in true Nick Pankuch fashion, i'm draggin everyone else's mood down, too. Great. Fantastic work there, sport. What else can he do? Fetch?

I'm curious as to why i even bothered. I knew better. I know better. It's a hopeless cause for a hopelessly failed romantic.

I think i'm gonna quit my day job.

Cap'n Vincent of The Regret
"The Ace of Spades"

Victory and Defeat

Ain't that the truth, eh? Well, we most certainly won the football game tonight and that, friends, is a very, very good thing indeed. Rather satisfying, actually. Gives you a sense of accomplishment, even though all you did is cheer, but then again, where would a football team be without a crowd?

A very quiet football field, that's where.

One must remember, however, that good always has its counter. That there must be a defeat for every victory. In fact, there are, most likely, many defeats before that first victory, and so it goes. Except that one just doesn't "win" or "lose" in this fickle game we play, one loses and loses still with every victory. It is the overcoming of loss and the realization of true victory that shapes who we are. The problem is when one fails to see this loss and loses far more than one could ever imagine. This loss is not easy to overcome, if it can be at all. It may be acceptance that must be looked at as the answer, but, wait a sec, Hell no!

I'm a stubborn son of a bitch, like i'm gonna' sit on my ass "accepting" shit. Yeah right.

It's just a question of whether the above statement matters at all.

I should really stop regretting things so much, but i have no ability to focus on the present, thus leading myself back to the past.

Wow, sometimes i wish i could think like a normal 16 year old. Then again, how boring would that be?

All i can hope for, i guess, is that i can make it through somehow and that things work ouot for the best.

But, well,

One can only do so much.

Cap'n Vincent of The Regret
"The Ace of Spades"