Well, at least im getting some help now. Thats the first step, they say. Admitting that you need it. Maybe the psychologist can fix it. At least that way i wont do anything stupid again. My head and stomach still hurt. I hope this makes things better. I dont like it when things like this happen and when i go crazy. losing control. I hope this makes things better.

Oh, and i dont think ill eat another buffalo wing again.

I am chained and chained i will remain

Happiness comes from satisfaction and being sufficient enough for yourself and, less and, yet, more importantly, those around you. Both of which have been stripped from me. I cannot be happy, now. Not truly, not at all.

I tried so hard to make it work, to make her happy. I saw that maybe things wouldn't work the way i wanted it to. So i stopped. And i walked away. And...and now i can't even speak. Now i can't even sleep or breathe or eat or anything. I just can't bring myself. If i cannot be there, than why am i here at all? To see her like that was unbearable.

And then to have my parents say the same. To say that i was too much trouble, ungrateful, not good enough, not trying hard enough. That. I cannot speak.

I think i have just made the biggest mistake of my life.

I have no idea. I thought i was right. I thought this was the way.

I think i was wrong.

I am not chained

I will not, should not, and cannot sit here anymore and be thrust in and out of this situation. I'm being tossed around like a salmon at a fish market and i'm being dropped! I will not be dropped, d'ya hear me? I can't be. Not anymore.

I am liberated.

I am free.

i am the best friend you always wanted.

I am the guy who will be there 'til kingdom come.

I am exactly what you need.

I am not obligated to feelings that are not obligated to me.

I am on my way.

I...

I refuse to have a bad day.

My Starry Eyed Glsses of Gone A Hazy Shade of Winter...and I like it

Something about the snow...Something about the snow made it very different, today. Different to handle, different to consider, different to analyze, different to stop analyzing. Different to realize that to analyze was to ruin it. Different when i figured out that it isn't fair to ME. To ME, of all people.

There's just something about the snow...something that made me sit on that front porch for half an hour and want to say so many things, but end up just talking about everything anyway. Something that made me never want to leave.

Something that let me get home in a miraculously short amount of time.

Something that said THINK YOU IDIOT! AND STOP SCREWING AROUND! Think about it.

Something that made me want to shout it to the world.

Something that made me want to sit in a park for hours on end.

Something that thinks i really should.

Something that made me see what it was to be a 'before' and not an 'after'.

Something that's ready. Ready to go.

There's something about the snow...