Lakehouses and Driving With the Top Down

There's something to be said for swimming all day, lemme' tell ya'. Swimming with friends and just being relaxed and enjoying yourself. You ever felt that? Just pure enjoyment; no strings attached. No "when am i supposed to be home"'s or "do i look okay"'s or "does he....does she..."'s; pure, fun, blissfull enjoyment. When you realize you're having it, it's the strangest, most wonderful thing you've ever felt. And then, you realize that you met these people not too long ago and you know them just as well as you know your best friends now. And that, ladies and gents, is what takes a day from great to memorable. Faces that look at you, smile, and tell you that you're on there list of their favorite people in the world. And you tell them the same.


Have you ever driven so fast that your face went numb? In a convertable, of course....It's quite an exhilarating feeling, lemme' tell ya'. Blasting "Piano Man" and just tapping to the music and letting the wind blow through your hair. It's somethin' else, I tell ya'. Somethin' else. There are some things in your life that you simply hace to experience. Wow. Today was probably one of the most memorable times of my life, presently i mean.

You know why? Simple; for one day, people knew who i was and knew where i had been in life and, you know what? They laughed and threw sand at my face. It's those kind of people that are going to change the world, I tell ya'. It's those kind of people that really turn your life around. It's this kind of day that really makes you want every day to be just the same. It's this kind of day you never want to forget.

It's this kind of person that you want to be.

Never let that die.

Cap'n Vincent
"The Ace of Spades"

The Strangest Thing I've Ever Felt...

The stinging sensation never really left my eyes, i guess. I felt it again, not even watching the movie, but merely thinking. The mere thought of it sent me reeling. It was, in fact, the strangest thing I've ever felt. "What," you may be asking, eh?

The sea. The thought of an overwhelming sense of insignificance. The thought of throwing caution to the wind and letting it billow in black sails. Yes, black. You know i wouldn't have it any other way. ;) The thought of being a gentleman of fortune and taking what is, no pun intended, rightfully, mine for the taking. The thought of giving everything you have to the sea and letting it take it all away with the chance you may earn it back again along with things greater than dreams. The thought of the soft, rocking lullaby of the ship as it tosses in the Earth's blue embrace. It's blissfully enchanting. I can't describe it to you vividly enough, it seems.

Now, only a way to quench this thirst.

Anybody up for a trip to Tortuga?



Cap'n Vincent
"The Ace of Spades"

Conversations you wish you had...or need to have....oh boy

Yeah, about those...I've got quite a few of them, presently, that i've held off on because, to put it quite frankly, i'm a little scared to. Too afraid to tell a friend that, maybe, i had made a decision too hastily about something i consider to be very important...among other things.

And don't you hate when they don't stop bothering you? Ever? Yeah, i'm not a fan of that either.

It's so nerve-wracking sometimes, ya' know? To be sitting around in your house, day after day, thinking, 'Man. I really should give them a call..' Oh, Nellie Furtado. This is going to be one heck of a ride, ladies and gents, but i'm looking forward to some rather good times. Times with new friends and old. It's a pleasant thought, friendship. It makes you feel all warm and fuzzy inside, ya' know? That there are people you can just lay it all out on every good once in a while. What a pleasant thought, eh?

Forgive me. I'm still coasting off of that wonderful feeling. That little, fleeting 'maybe' that floats in and out of daydreams, whispering into your ear every once in a while just to taunt you a little further, then, as quickly as it came, it whisks away on yawn right before y ou fall asleep leaving you a little colder than before. And yet, the warmth of good days past still lingers.

Smell that?

It's hope.

A Troubled Threshold, Instant Mountain Dew, Praising God with Song and Compressed Hydrogen, and a Story About a Boy Who Made Noise

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I'm back and with such a vengeance that I can change the world I know and love. I can change it forever, but first. I'd like to say hello to all my compatriots in praise from the former, how morbid, YLC choir. You're most welcome. Make yourself at home, cause you sure ain't leavin' anytime soon, that much I can promise, but before we do, here's to you Noel, I'd like to start with an excerpt from 1 Corinthians 13:1-3 that best depicts what this entry is going to be about...

If I speak in the tongues of mortals and angels, but do not have love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give away all my possessions, and if I hand over my body so that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing...

Let's start from the end of this story and work our way backwards. I came home from YLC as vibrant as I'll ever be to a home that was far from it. I opened the door to a father who had expected a mother to bring us home who, in fact, was driving to Peter and Paul to pick us up. Before he asked us how we were or anything of the sort, he began muttering something to himself, of which only the words "your mother" were discernible, picked up the phone, called my mother, apologized to her for having to turn around and come back right as she was approaching the church, and then he decided to ask us how we were. This, I think and am pretty close to being dang sure a bout, is the Good Man Upstairs reminding all of us that taking this experience back with us into our daily lives is not going to be easy, in fact, it's going to be one of the hardest things we'll ever do. I only bring this up because it's what we all need to hear most of all. Remember everything we've shared because things like this should, and will, never die. I simply won't let them.

Ah, instant Mountain Dew. No ladies and gents, not the kind you can "JUST ADD WATER!" to and give yourself a nice rush, but something a lot quicker and much more satisfying. This lovely little section goes out to the most wonderful people in the world I will have, or have ever met. You know who you are...and in case you're curious. "OOPA!" I can't believe he spelled it like that... :). You guys, to put it quite frankly, have done something so amazing for me. You all reminded me of who I am and who the Big Guy Upstairs really wants me to be. Enthusiasm is one things, air horns another, but focusing that enthusiasm like I did with you all and turning it into something that wonderful, spiritual, and completely satisfying is something that belongs in a category belonging entirely to itself. If I didn't want to bore you all, I would spend the rest of the evening telling each and every one of you what you have done and why I am eternally indebted to you. I can only say thank you so many times in a paragraph, or two, before I just seem ridiculously redundant, which, by any means, we cannot have. ;) I have never met a group of people who can keep the faith, and sing it, as well as you and, again, I am eternally in your debt. If I think of some way to thank you, let it be heard that I will do it a thousand fold for you. I love you all more than you could ever know even in such a short time. Thank you. Truly and deeply. Thank you.

And need I mention how absolutely amazing you guys are vocally? I think not...this is just an excuse to mention how absolutely hilarious it was when Mike had that huge airhorn...I will not be mocked with out a fight! :)

Oh dear, I thought the deep part of this entry was a lot further away than this. Oh well, I guess it's time. I apologize to you all, especially John and Brianna, who I sincerely meant to speak with about this, but, one, forgot and, two, decided it was something worth telling here to you all in this way.

Enthusiasm, as Noel likes to point out, has not always been this boy's way of life. It wasn't until I met Noel that I learned what I could really become and am awfully close to today. There's just one little piece left missing, you see. By the way, by little I mean very large.

I've been told, much to my dismay several times at YLC, that I pretty much have it all. Smarts, talent, suave, friends, enthusiasm, and I'm not half bad looking, but the truth is, I am far from having it all. In fact I think, personally, that these things inhibit me from having it all. They have there uses, yes, even in God's name, but what does it matter? I have given it all to God. That's how things work for me, ya' know? Everything I have ever had, been, been given, given to others, taken or thrown away has been put in its place by the Big Guy Upstairs. When I have a problem, God is the one who tells me how to take care of it. That's just how I run. No issues right? Well, ladies and gents, you guessed right. The answer sure ain't an enthusiastic "right!", that much is for certain. In all of his glory, honor and the gifts that he has given in spirit and mind, I have a much more selfish, physical need, if you will. Call me crazy, but even the Bible's got me backed up on this one. Without love, what have I? Yes, I have a tremendous love for the Big Man Upstairs, his son, and the Flaming pet Pidgeon, no offense Sanctus Spiritus, but, as the verses say, even those who hand over their body, mind and soul are nothing without love. No call me crazy, because I am only sixteen and have got a lot of time ahead of me in my life trust me, I'm aware, but that doesn't change the fact that I need someone just like everyone else on this God given Earth we have. Someone to share it all with, to laugh with you in times of merriment, to cry and your shoulder in times of trouble and do the same for you, to hold your hand and chat with you about useless topics only meant to prick that little smile from the depths of their tied up emotions. Someone to love you. Plain and simple. If only it was just that. We all know the truth of the matter, though. Even this sixteen-year-old boy from Oswego. That's what got me at Reconciliation. The fact that I had that, pardon, those shoulders to cry on. It's painful for me and it was a wonderful feeling to know that I have you guys to confide in forever with that thought. It's nice to know there are shoulders to spare. It hurts a lot. And please, don't mistake this paragraph, or any of the previously stated, to be a sort of "sympathy vote". What I be asking sympathy for? Take it as another well deserved thank you. Thank you for helping this troubled kid remember that he has some people who love him, even if he can't hold them forever. Thank you for giving me that hope no matter how fleeting it is. There is nothing more I could ever want. Thank you.

Feel free to drop me a line at pancakes@comcast.net . I would really appreciate talking to guys again. I plan to stay in touch. :)

I'll end with a Hungarian saying a good friend of mine told me...

May you live to see a thousand years and may I live one day less so I will never know the world without the pleasure of your company.

Oh, I almost forgot.

St. Cecilia, pray for us.

;)

Nick Pankuch.

Off to the Races...

Well, ladies and gentlemen, i'll be away this weekend on one of the most fun Church retreats i have ever been to in my entire life...and i'm Catholic too. Now that's saying something. :)

I hope you all have a wonderful weekend.

While i'm at it...I have a few things that i need you all to remember before i go.

Remember that there is always someone with a shoulder for you to cry on...surprisingly, most people have two.

Remember that life is meant to be lived and not waited...

Remember to take a leap of faith whenever you get the chance...something extraordinary is bound to happen...

Remember that life is full of second chances...you have but to keep trying.

Remember to never give up and never let down even when failure bites at your heels...

Remember to love everyone you meet....it's just a matter of how much... :)

Remember that your biggest mistake will always produce something wonderful in the end...

Remember to...well...never mind about that one. Another day, perhaps.

Catch you all on the flipside,

~A.B.P.

More Dictionary

Fun

1.A source of enjoyment, amusement, or pleasure.
2.Enjoyment; amusement
See synonym NICK PANKUCH

You know it. Don't lie. You know you do. ;)

Dictionary

Pain
1.An unpleasant sensation occurring in varying degrees of severity as a consequence of injury, disease, or emotional disorder.

2.Suffering or distress.

Love

1.A deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection and solicitude toward a person, such as that arising from kinship, recognition of attractive qualities, or a sense of underlying oneness.

See synonym PAIN

Complicated

1.Containing intricately combined or involved parts.

2.Not easy to understand or analyze.

See synonym LOVE

Thought of that meself. The irony.

~A.B.P.

Wel, ladies and gents, i, frankly, don't know what to tell you. There's not even a good title for the bloody thing. I went from a very happy and inspired individual who couldn't be kept from a rollicking good time to someone who's thoughts and memories plague them at every turn. I just can't seem to be satisfied and it bugs the hell out of me. If screwed up so many times that people don't trust me with knowing the color of their socks. And i can't form good relationships with people because I'm Nick Pankuch and everybody knows what Nick Pankuch is and what happens to people around him. I'v just backed myself into a lovely little corner and now i ave no way of getting out of it. I know so many people care about me and all that, but there comes a time when even those people question themselves.

Sorry, you all know i hate sulking and being angsty, but i just can't seem to dig myself out of this rut. Damn.

From the Hotel California,

A.B.P.

The Ups and Downs of Deja Vu...

Well, so much for that retreat high, eh? It's a wonderful feeling, but there comes a time where, with that ton of bricks that it's so famous for, life smacks you around a bit with a great deal of things you weren't entirely ready for. You weren't ready for them at all.

You see, life has invented this great things that both tortures us and gives us so much happiness. It's called remembering. That's all it took today after rehearsal. Just a thought. One little knock on a door in my mind that i should never have closed and i was gone. Just as easily as it had come, it left and, as you oh-so-correvtly just anticipated, that wasn't the only thing life decided to throw at me.

It turns out that my mother is thoroughly convinced hat may sole purpose in life is to make her miserable and that the most effective may to teach me lessons, whether it be in driving or in life, is to mock/insult me at every turn and, then, when I say ANYTHING, and I mean anything, she immediately dismisses it as teenage attitude and becomes convince, once again, that I am her personal antichrist. Wonderful. Sorry, i'm being angsty again. I've no right to waste your time on something dreadfully mopey and depressing. Beg pardon, for that.

On a more positive note, I am fully recovered from my ill advised day of binge Cherry Coke dinking and no sleep. Man, that was a good time.

Catch you all on the flipside, wherever that is,

~Vinnie

Man on Fire

Well, ladies and gents, I'm back from a long weekend of partying and coming closer to God. I just got back from my Confirmation retreat, the retreat that starts a junior's year of preparing for confirmation, and,man, was it absolutely amazing. I'm still on my "retreat high", as we say it in the business, but something really hit me this time. People genuinely giving of themselves and not expecting anything in return. People you didn't know anything aobut and who knew less aobut you talking, nay, sharing parts of themselves to complete and total strangers. People affirming you, telling you that meeting you and speaking with you actually changed and affected their lives.

That, quite frankly, leaves me astonished. Of all the people in the world, I would have good reason to doubt that I would be the one to change lives, but, apparently, I have mis informed myself. Not just other teens, either. Kids older than me. Kids in college and in the real world telling me that they have never seen enthusiasm to match mine and that the strength I have in my faith has changed who they are.

Holy cow. I know I'm crazy, but that. That really changes everything.

God bless,

Nick

P.S. I actually think I know what I want to do with my life now...and where i want to go to college...and..well, it kind of makes me want to do a backflip. But i can't. Oh well. :P

Of Iron Bands, Diamond Rings, and an Elephant in a Purse

Trust me, I've seen weirder titles, but lets get straight down to business...

Of Iron Bands

Well, ladies and gents, it'll come, with no surprise of course, that, after this summer, the Pankuchs, this one in particular, will come upon rather difficult times. My mother starts working on becoming a teacher which, in turn, mean lots of classes, no chauffeur, and a very grumpy parental figure. This lamentable event will, unfortunately, lead to my father also being grumpy. Constantly. My sister, in turn, will become very angsty at the fact that both of her parents are grumpy and seclude herself in her room talking to her friends via instant messanger and slowly, but surely, become EMO. My brother, and his new fiance, will, in turn, avoid being home as much as possible thus leaving me by myself to cringe, groan, and wish I was out partying con mis amigos, and wait! The best is yet to come.

A sudden realization happened upon me today while I was talking with my good friend S.T.W. We, as in me and my multiple personalities of course, are about to tread upon very thin ice, my friends. I am about to encounter things I may, in fact, not be ready for and forced into situations that I, most likely, am not, at present, ready to handle. This should come to no surprise to you all as I do have a knack for finding trouble. I am making decisions in my life that some will like, some won't, but, despite who likes them and who doesn't, these decisions will push me to my limits and, frankly, I'm rather intrigued by it all. It won't be a close relationship and it won't be long distance unless I make it that way. To be with her, I would have to sacrifice a great many things in order to come up with the money it will take to get a car as well as some other necessities that come along with a vehicle. Am I truly ready for that? That is a question I have the summer to answer, but I feel as if my mind is already made up and I'm not telling. So there. :P

Of Diamond Rings

Don't worry, I haven't gone asking anyone to marry me or anything like that, but my brother has. He and his girlfriend of three years have finally decided to tie the mother pheasant plucking knot. It's about bloody time, if you ask me, but then again you didn't. I have no idea when or where, but I do know that it will be a RATHER GOOD TIME! And, maybe I'll get to bring a date....hmm...That would be MORE exciting....Yes, yes indeed it would. I'm very proud of him. I like to think of us more as really good friends who have lived together all of their lives rather than brothers. Keeps things real between us, you know?

Of an Elephant in a Purse

This one goes out to a great little friend of mine named Cory. We had the longest, and most intricate conversation about why mothers seem to know everything and have everything in their purses. We imagined that they had elephants, George Washington's wooden teeth, a lock of George W. Bush's hair, a basketball court, a firework, an alligator as well as a myriad of other objects that you could, or couldn't, imagine. He brought to light a lot of things for me, that boy. He taught me what being a kid is really like. That maybe there's a life out there filled with complete and total imaginative insanity; just how I like it. Maybe I could do it. If my mother had an elephant in her purse than maybe I could pull this thing off. Maybe, just maybe, I would be able to find a way to do this thing. To show my friends that I am changed and I am no longer who I was. Well I am, except a whole lot cooler and WAY less of the lesser of a mule's parental figures. ;) Maybe I could find a way to let my friends know that I do know that they care and that I CARE TOO! Maybe I can find a way to make everything work. To keep her close to me and let her know what she means to me. To stay true to who I am and play a little volleyball along the way.

*looks at his pocket watch and tips his hat. He begins to walk away. he stops and turns around.*

To fly.

*He fades into the soft, summer night rain. You can hear the soft humming of a familiar tune*

I'll go wherever you will go...

When You Look out on the Water and Say.... Oh Snap.

Haven't we all had one of those moments, though? Looking at something, or someone, truly beautiful, getting caught in the thrill of the moment, and then seeing the fact that you have your whole life ahead of you. That happened to me today.

My dad was cooking out on the gril and i was sitting on a drainpipe on the resevoir behind our house just staring at the water and watching it ripple. My thoughts began to wander and I started to think of people I know and people I knew. Then it occured to me that there was a whole life out there ready for me to live it. A home to own, a card of my own to drive, a wonderful wife to love and long for, a kid or two to bring up and show the glories of what this little place we call Earth has to offer, a dog to pet and yell at on occasion. I went back inside to wash my hands and just walked through my house. I remember moving to it from the old, tiny duplex we had used to live in. Advancing, moving up in life. It was amazing. Just to think that we are all going to experience that. To be able to have things we can call our own and not bought by our parents or the allowance they "say" is ours. It's wonderful.

I can't wait.

Yours, actually

Nick

I've Seen Fire and I've Seen Rain

That's a good song. A little before our time, but a good song none the less.

Well, how are we all, ladies and gentlemen? Good, I presume? Dandy. Dandy like candy.

I'm going to be as straightforward as I can on the topics at hand without damaging anyone too severely, so here goes nothin' folks...Hold on to your hats 'cause it's gonna' be a bumpy ride...

Of Fire

I'm all for friends wanting the best for their best friends, looking out for them, and telling them when they're obviously in the wrong, but there is a fine line between constructive criticism and spiteful comments. What right does he have to tell me that he thinks my being with her is stupid? What right does he have to tell me that she is a, and I quote straight from the horse's mouth, " waste of time"? What right do you have to tell me what my future holds and what right gives you that same knowledge? What right do you have to tell me that seeing us together makes you sick? You know what, you have every right. You're my best friend. It's your duty to stand up to your ideals and tell me when I'm in the wrong. To be self righteous about it.

And I have every right to tell you that you are wrong. I have every right to tell you that you can go wallow in self pity somewhere else and try and bring me down with you another day of the week because, right now, I have found someone, sometime, some life that makes me extraordinarily happy and you have NO right to take that away from me. I have every right to tell you that I would gladly jump in front of bullets, speeding trains, cars, large pointy objects, and anything else for you, but this changes things, pal. When you take it upon yourself to make me feel down about a relationship that make me happy, we got problems, kiddo. Real big ones.

I have every right to tell you that I don't care if "nothing good will come of it" or that "she is a waste of time". You know why? Because she's not. There is a small group of people that come into our lives and dictate who we are and who we will become and I think she is one of them. And so are you.

I have every right to tell you that I will see this through to the bitter end because it makes me happy. I have every intent on having the time of my life with her as well as proving you wrong.

I have every right to tell you to shove it.

_____________________________________________________________________

Well, I'm bloody glad I got THAT out of my system. Been bugging me for a few days now...ah. I'm pretty sure that I should end on something happy...Yes, yes indeed.

Of Rain

When a harsh rain begins to pound on your windowsill and the thunder crackles and rumbles your house, what do you do?

You lay on your bed, smile, and LAUGH HYSTERICALLY!!! That's pretty much what I did. The world has a tendency to attempt to throw you a lot of curve balls at the same time, especially if you suck at baseball. You just have to smile, take them in stride and look at all the wonderful things you have to give and take and share. We all have to remember three simple things...

1) All wounds heal in time. The scar is still there, but the pain is gone.

2) Laughter is the best medicine. No need to expound upon that

3) Love. Yeah, just one word. Interpret it how you will. *winks*

You need to know what I mean? Watch the movie Love Actually. I know, it sounds like a chick flick, but I promise you. You'll realize just what I mean. About everything. :)

*looks at his pocket watch* Well it's about time I got going. You all stay dry and remember, dance like no one is watching.

*Tips his hat and wanders off humming an all too familiar tune.*

My funny valentine...

~Vinnie